Published for OUT FRONT on June 1, 2016
Pride is here so bring on the rainbow food. (It’s kitschy but classic, let’s be real.)
Sweets are the easiest to make colorful. Add rainbow sprinkles to anything: cookies, chocolate-covered strawberries, chocolate-covered pretzels, chocolate-covered anything, rice crispy treats, pancakes, whatever — just pour on those sprinkles.
Rainbow cake seems like another obvious Pride treat because who doesn’t love cake? Just prepare two boxes of white cake mix and separate it into however many layers you want. Add either a few tablespoons of juices like carrot, blueberry, beet, spinach, and blackberry to add natural colors to the layers, or food coloring for more vibrant colors.
As far as main dishes go, create a rainbow pizza by layering veggies like tomatoes, different-colored bell peppers, broccoli, and purple onions on pizza crust. Make grilled veggie skewers with veggies like squash, brussels sprouts, beets, and zucchini. Rainbow fruit skewers are just as easy using foods like grapes, blueberries, pineapple, cantaloupe, and strawberries. Arrange the skewers in a rainbow shape for added yass.
Pasta is another easy thing to gay up. Cook and drain your pasta, then separate it into different bags. Add rainbow food coloring and mix the pasta and coloring with your hands. Let it sit for a few minutes then transfer it back to the colander to rinse off any extra food coloring with cold water. Add parmesan clouds to accompany the pasta by placing a few tablespoons of the cheese in a flat cloud-shape on a lined baking sheet and bake for 4–5 minutes in a 350° oven.
Ok, so you ate your weight in colorful food and probably drank more than your weight in rainbow Jell-O shots and beer and it’s now the next morning. You’re that fantastic mixture of feeling of sick but hungry and unable to move.
Eggs are full of cysteine which breaks down acetaldehyde, the byproduct of alcohol that makes you feel sick. Pre-make egg muffins by mixing eggs, milk, and whatever mix-ins (cheese, veggies, bacon, etc.) you like. Add the mixture to an extremely well-greased muffin pan and bake at 375° for 18–20 minutes. Keep them in an airtight container and microwave them (or eat them cold) when you muster up the energy.
Bananas are also full of cysteine, so freeze bags of fruit (extra bananas!) and yogurt a few days before. Add the fruit to a blender with some juice in the morning and drink up that potassium-filled smoothie. Guzzle lots of water, tomato juice (Bloody Marys, anyone?), and go back to sleep.
Congrats, you made it through another Pride.